Brian PCF's Blog

Every Time You Put Marinade On Your Meat, I’m Going To Kill A Kitten…

I’ve been reading some Euclid lately, so let’s start with our givens and move out from there to establish our proof:

-Meat should be delicious
-Alec Baldwin is God

Let us proceed.

Firstly, due to the widespread government price supports for corn, soy and grain and regulation designed to deter competition, nearly all meat sold in America is fed these “staples” which are biologically impossible to survive on (like us eating tree bark exclusively). Hence the widespread use of hormones and antibiotics to keep these animals alive long enough for them to be harvested for their meat.

Secondly, while Joel Salatin and Michael Pollan and the like have showed that you can make money and feed people pasture raised meats, I’m also told that Al Franken was funny once. Lesson: Don’t believe everything you read in People Magazine.

First Conclusion: The reason we put marinade on meat is because we buy the corn/grain/soy fed kind, which tastes like wet cardboard driven over by shaky manure trucks at high rates of speed.

Second Conclusion: That imagery cannot allow you in good conscience to eat anything but pasture raised meat anytime soon.

So since a geometric proof in indisputable, and if you try to dispute it a zombie Descartes will come back to life and eat your brain, then do the following:

Email Alison, get on her meat buying email distro. She delivers to the box people, this doesn’t get easier.
-Use a good fat of your choice (say these or these), salt, and pepper on your meat. Occasional aromatics will be allowed on certain Zoroastrian holidays. Mess with this system, and Descartes again will eat your brain.

Now didn’t that feel good? And Deelishes too!


January 12, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized


  1. Did you ever get to see Food Inc?

    Comment by Erin B. | January 12, 2010

  2. I dig what you are laying down, but, do you mind if I put marinade on that kitten?

    Comment by Cindy | January 13, 2010

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